I remember the first hate mail I received after I published my first book. Someone wrote me that it was the worst piece of garbage that he had ever written. He told me that he literally flushed it down the toilet. I was devastated for a few days. This letter seemed to wipe out in my email all the great feedback I had received on the book from others. With my mouth open, I offered him his money back. I never heard from him.
It took me along time to care less about what people thought of my views. Actually, the only thing I care about is for them to have is a point of view about what I say- positive or negative. When I speak and write, I want people to agree or disagree. If they have a strong feeling about what I said, then I have affected them in some way, made them think about their own views and accomplished my goals. I want them to know that I am doing the best I can to accomplish the task that I set out to do with them or for them.
In Heather Luszczyk’s blog post, she states it clearly for me:
“In reality, another person’s thought or opinion about you is never personal, because it is never really about you in the first place. It’s about them. Our thoughts about anything and everything are only about ourselves. What I think and what I feel is my business. What you think and what you feel is your business. When I’m worried about how you feel about me, I’m in your business. And if I’m busy living in your business, how am I present for my own business?”
When people react to you badly, it really is about them. It is about what is going on in their life now or in the past. They can only view you through their own experience. That’s their lens.
When we live our life according to our own truth (and not trying to deliberately harm others), all of us will be much happier in on our chosen path.
How does what other people think affect your life?
I completely agree. However, it gets a little gnarly when people who have a negative take on your business publish reviews on the internet. While level headed constructive criticism is important to improve your business, there
is also misappropriated criticism that can do damage.
Yes Susan, The good and bad news about the internet!
In undergraduate school,Public Speaking was a required course in our curriculum.It had to be required or no one would have taken it. Public speaking is feared more than death.
However, I would have plunked down a year’s tuition to hear what the professor said on the first day of class. He said, “Stop worrying what other people are thinking about you. They’re too busy wondering what you think about them.”