Published Work

Finding a Mentor to Replace Your Tormentor

You have just had a business day you want to forget. No one will buy anything. Your best prospect won't return your phone calls. One of your top managers has just told you he's moving to Australia. Your computer just crashed. Who you gonna call?

We all need help as we make our ways through the daily business world. We need people to help us when we're at the bottom of our games and people to celebrate our victories with us when we want to change our names to King Midas. Ever since the days of Plato and Socrates, this is why there have always been mentors.

Apprenticeships are based on this exact concept. In business, there exists a great oral tradition among entrepreneurs of the trials and tribulations that get passed down from person to person. As entrepreneurs, we learn from others who have been there before.

We traditionally think of mentors as people who are older and wiser than we are. To the contrary, I think many effective mentors can be your peers. Your mentor only needs to have three qualities to be effective for you:

Be able to listen. After many years of personal and group therapy, I realized that what I was mostly paying for was the right to have someone listen to me. It was worth it. The process of articulating thoughts from your head to your mouth for others to hear can help a lot. This is often all you need.

There are many well-known peer mentoring groups in the Midwest. These include the Young Presidents' Organization (YPO), the Young Entrepreneurs' Organization (YEO) and the Technology Executives Club. These organizations get people together in small groups to discuss issues and listen to solutions from peers.

This is where angels actually got their start to investing in businesses. Besides capital, angels help companies by giving their advice to the entrepreneurs and making connections for them. This faded in the 1990s as the rush of capital funding took priority and there wasn't time for advice and mentoring. We all now see how far that got us!

Other great mentoring organizations include the Women's Business Development Center, SCORE and the Chicagoland Entrepreneurial Center. SCORE even illuminates how to find a business mentor here.

Don't be judgmental. No matter what you say, you need someone who won't ever make you feel stupid. The environment surrounding any conversation with a mentor needs to feel safe. You should be able to say anything in confidence and know it goes no further than the two of you. If you are the lone business owner or leader at your business, this can be even more helpful since there typically are no peers for you to confide in.

It truly is lonely at the top.

Mutual respect. Forget about older and wiser. Do you respect your mentor's point of view? Is he or she truly interested in your definition of personal and business success? Though you may not agree with your mentor's point of view, do you trust it? Mentors need not be familiar with your industry to give you straightforward advice. Although it may be beneficial, business is business and that typically is enough.

There are many mentors who have been very helpful in my career. In 1989, Tom at IBM said I would be a much better entrepreneur when I learned two things: how to fail and to be humble. Losing jobs and going out of business over the next five years taught me the lessons Tom wanted me to learn.

Another more recent mentor of mine has been Rick Mazursky. He was the CEO of VTech. He grew that company from tens of millions to hundreds of millions in sales. I can always count on him to be my "business ethics meter" and for helping me do the right thing when I get off course.

Should you compensate a business mentor who is helping you and your company? It depends. This should be discussed with your mentor and depends on whether your relationship is more one sided or formalized. Compensation can be as simple as "can I buy lunch while I pick your brain?" and can extend to cash or company stock options. You can even barter with mentors.

What remains effective is whatever enables your mentor to carve out time and focus on you when you need him or her most. Just remember that mentor relationships between people are not forever. People change and grow. A mentor can turn into a tormentor and can become a surrogate parent. This is not a healthy relationship. Terminate it and move on.

While a mentor can be a trusted guide, do not look to them as your business savior. Stick to the sound principles of business. Ask questions and look for help when necessary. The only thing that saves an entrepreneur is solid progress and hard work every day toward building a company one customer at a time.

Find a mentor and be a mentor. The great oral tradition of being an entrepreneur needs to be passed on. We all have something to offer.