Published Work

For Better or For Worse: Being the Spouse of a Chicago Entrepreneur

We all realize that it's hard to start and run your own business. The daily ups and downs challenge every entrepreneur's passion and dedication. This is what we all sign up for when we take the leap to run a company.

Leading your own company, though, isn't just difficult for you. It also affects your whole family. Your business not only sleeps in your bed but it hogs most of the covers.

For the last 15 years, I have run three different businesses with a great degree of failure and success. In each one of them, I would come home from work and my wife would kindly ask: "How was your day, honey?" I never could to tell her. I didn't want to relive all the ups and downs of that particular day. I always responded the same: "OK, I guess."

I learned later on to share the burden of the bad times and celebrate the victories with her as well. My wife, Sara, stuck with me during my most difficult times, which sometimes may have been against her better judgment.

Manish Patel, CEO of Wheeling, Ill.-based Where2GetIt, says he has caused his spouse, Dolly, plenty of mental anguish. He said: "The line between our business lives and personal lives was not just blurred. It was obliterated." Manish credits his wife with a tremendous amount of support and understanding in staying the course during those tough periods.

He added: "The entrepreneur's spouse is hidden in the shadows, toiling away and keeping things held together and never quite getting the credit or recognition she deserves." In fact, Dolly put her own career aspirations on hold so Manish could focus on his business.

To me, running a business is like driving a car on a winding, mountainous road that?s banging into the guard rails. While it may be tough for you, it is worse for your spouse. Your spouse is in the back seat of the same car, sitting backward and blindfolded. While you may be able to see what's coming shortly before it happens, your spouse is just along for the ride and never knows what hit her.

Steve Shadrick, a managing partner at Chicago-based SGS Net, describes his wife, Jeri, as a saint. He said: "Given all the risks, the lack of control and the very narrow and unstable lens through which she has had to view the future of my business (and in many respects the future opportunities for our family), she still manages to muster the strength and patience to have faith and be supportive."

Jeff Richmond is an engineer who became an entrepreneur when he started Northbrook, Ill.-based PumpBiz.

Mary Beth, a local physician and his spouse, says she always envisioned a successful businessman talking about his wife at their 25th wedding anniversary proudly boasting: "...and how can I ever thank my wife who has been at my side every step of the way and has never for one minute doubted me or lost faith in me or failed to support me during all the ups and downs."

She hits the "fast-forward" button to her future 25th wedding anniversary and confesses: "Jeff can never say that about me ... because I have had my doubts, I have lost my faith at times (not in him but in his endeavor) and I have failed to show unfailing support many times. There have been oh too many times when I've showed him all my doubts, insecurities and yes even gotten plenty upset with him for taking this road."

Mike Duda, one of the founder's of Chicago-based Pennant, just got married to his spouse, Johanna, late last year. She describes his schedule as unpredictable and questions: "After work? Is there such a thing?" She thinks any business is like a baby that needs to be watched over all the time.

Natalie Tessler started Chicago-based SpaSpace a few years ago after she quit being an attorney at Katten Muchin Zavis Rosenman. She also thinks of her business as a baby but one with a lot of colic. Natalie describes the business owner as one who loves his or her baby "because it's an extension of her and it becomes the center of her life, though it can also make her crazy. For her husband, it's like being a step-parent.

"He has to live with the child and share his spouse's time and attention with the child and must be careful when giving advice or trying to help even though he may be tempted to jump right in. The "child" is so important to his spouse that she is likely to be very sensitive to criticism about how she is raising the child. She needs his help and support and he needs to develop intuition about when to get involved, when to stay out of it, when to talk about it and when to drop the subject."

Dean Rutter, the founder of Chicago-based Apartments.com, has literally given birth to another company called The Make Baby Laugh! Company, which is based in Evanston, Ill. After selling his first company, he says the experience of starting his second is very different than when he launched Apartments.com.

"The first time 'round while we were married, we didn't own a house or have children," he said. "Under that set of conditions, I was far more apt to let my business interfere with my family. This time 'round, two things have changed: I have the children and a mortgage and I can't work at the same level of sustained focus that I did previously. It's still a bear for my wife but I'm doing far better striking the desired balance."

Building your own business is truly a family affair. Share the setbacks and victories with your family when you can. They will provide support for you during the good and bad times. Remind them that it really is for better or worse.