“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.”- Nelson Mandala
While traveling in South Africa this past year, I came across this quote from Nelson Mandela. It struck me that in my life, I make a lot of my choices out of fear. Unfortunately, as Jeremy Cage, author of “All Dream On Deck” says, “we dream vaguely, but dread very specifically.”
I realize that I am afraid of many things that fill my day with worry: fear of failure, rejection, money, flying, presenting, karate, getting sick, and death. (Just to name a few).
It’s these kinds of fears that ultimately hold me back. It’s not my lack of effort, skills, luck or the competition. It’s my choices I make out of fear, not a hopeful look ahead.
I don’t believe we can really conquer all our fears, but as Dale Carnegie said, “we can’t make those butterflies in our stomach go away, we just need to teach them to fly in formation.” In other words, it’s okay to be afraid; and go ahead and do it anyway.
Here is how I face some of my fear:
Flying on airplanes: I created a playlist called “Turbulence Tunes” so when the ride gets rough, I turn this high energy music on to distract me.
Speak in front people: I practice, practice, practice. I use the performance day nerves to drive my energy on stage and open each time with the same amusing anecdote. It gets the audience on my side!
Socializing at parties: I try to meet one interesting person to talk to that night. I have a backup plan of a way to get home (escape) if my wife wants to stay longer than me.
Sparring at karate: I just show up and get support from the other people there. When I spar, I wear a lot of protective gear to cushion the blows.
Here is how you can deal with your fear:
- Face only what is actually happening now. It is alright to play worst case scenario, but this can’t be a daily occurrence. The worst almost never happens, so worrying about it is truly a waste of energy.
- Focus only on activities that help reach your goals. Keep fearful distractions at a distance. Be confident that the goals can be reached with a well thought out plan. If the results fall short, learn what you can from that failure and make another plan. Remember, you are not your failure.
- Exercise. The best remedy for stress is always to exercise, not drink alcohol. Physical activity for as little as 10 minutes a day can help.
- Connect with mentors and friends. This will give you an outlet for fear and anxiety. Telling a trusted associate that you are afraid, instead of keeping it inside will help you it go.
- Celebrate your victories. Too many times we dwell on our failures, but do not take time to mark the good things that happen. Pause and congratulate yourself. (Even brag a bit)
- Keep a kudos journal. When things are particularly bad, go back and read about when times were good. Where people congratulated you or thanked you for your help.
How do you handle your fear?
