I hate to lose, but I know how to be a good loser when it comes. You need to know too.

Some people say that you should never “be good at losing” since that opens you up to the possibility of losing; and you should never lose. This is silly and just blind bravado since it’s unrealistic; we all lose sometime if we take enough risks even if we pretend that we don’t.

What matters is what we do when we lose.

I remember when my sons first started playing organized baseball. The league told the adults not to keep the score of the game so the kids could just have fun. Strangely enough, the kids always knew the game score. I believed we needed to teach the kids how to win and what to do when you lose.

I love winning since it’s a lot more fun than losing, but if you take risks, you will lose some of the time.

In my second book, “Bounce: Failure, Resiliency and Confidence to Achieve Your Next Great Success”, I talk about what to do when you lose. It’s kind of like the five stages of grief.

Here is where to start to be a good loser:

  1. Cheer the darkness! Feel good and sorry for yourself that you lost. Have a pity part on your behalf for 24 hours.
  2. Learn what you can: Contrary to popular business literature, you can’t always learn from failure and loss. Sometimes it just sucks. But sometimes there is something to learn that you can take with you for when you try whatever is next.
  3. Let go of the loss. To move on, you need to completely let go of what happened. Most importantly, let go of blaming yourself or others around you. “Blamestorming” serves no purpose for your future.
  4. Take a new action and try something, almost anything. To be a good loser, you need to move from where you are to something else. Give yourself another chance at success. In the beginning, it almost doesn’t matter what that next thing is, just as long as you move from the mindset of loss. Sometimes it’s as simple as leaving your pity party to volunteer to help someone else out.

Remember, small business owners take risks and risks mean you will lose sometime. Mourn, let go and take another step to give you another chance at success.